So, what has life "on this side" been like? It's been really good for me. It's been full of things to learn and feelings of loss, the joy of reconnection and moments of total confusion. Since I'm sure that's clarified things for you soo well, let me share a few specifics.
I think I've learned a lot about myself, and learned a lot from the people around me. I've had time to think (sometimes more than I want!!) and reflect on what it means to live in community with others. Life for me in Japan was pretty independent and pretty much consisted of things I wanted to do for myself. That's because for the most part, I loved all of the things I was doing there, and I had a lot of freedom. That was good, and I got to know a lot of really great people along the way. But I think it's good to learn how to live a little more interdependently. And now that I'm living with my family again, I've been taking a crash course. . . from some pretty great teachers! (This is "Canadian BBQ" I had with my students before I left)
Feelings of loss? Of a life that is more "normal" to me than anything in Canada. Of not knowing when I will reconnect with my church, students and friends out in Japan. Of a part of myself, to be honest. It's kind of like a grieving process, since you know things will never be the same. Everyone goes through it, many times in life, I'm sure. It's one of those bittersweet parts of life that makes moments and memories more special, because they are strength for the future.(My 3 sweeties. . . love 'em like crazy!)
It has been awesome to "get to know" my family again. I haven't had too much time with friends yet, but I'm looking forward to that too. You don't even realize how disconnected you really are, when you aren't a part of "daily life". I have felt immense joy at seeing those who have been such a support to me during my time in Japan, at watching my niece grow in these 3 short months, talking and laughing with my dad and brother at meals inbetween shifts on the field, taking walks with my sister. . . There are so many little things that can bring joy when we seek them out. (My other little sweetie out here :-)
But this joy really goes much farther than that. . . as I learn how to reconnect with my Father. If you want to know about joy, He's absolutely full of it. I'm just trying to catch a little of what spills over. "Rejoice in the Lord, O ye righteous: for praise is comely for the upright. . . Sing unto Him a new song; play skillfully with a loud noise. For the word of the Lord is right; and all His works are done in truth. He loveth righteousness and judgement: the earth is full of the goodness of the Lord. . . Let thy mercy, O Lord, be upon us, according as we hope in Thee." Ps. 33 (KJV) (Ginko trees in autumn)
The moments of confusion are pretty natural, I guess, having experienced a complete shift in lifestyle, scenery, community, culture. . . and not knowing what's next, really. I don't worry about the future, but wonder more. It's exciting to think about, but a little harder when you're kind of unsure about who you are anymore -- Canadian? Japanese? neither? both? somewhere in the middle? (IKEA. . . in Japan -- thus begins the identity crisis! :-b)I've come to the conclusion, though, that all of the things that we experience have a part in making us who we are. And, whether or not those around us understand exactly what those experiences were or not, we can be aware of and thankful for what they have shared with us, and their significance in our lives. It's easy to be focussed on myself, wanting to be heard and validated, but that's the same thing we all want.
What I'm saying is that, hopefully during the process, I will become more confident in who He is moudling me into, and able to recognize that work in others as well. God truly is at work all around, in hurting, carefree, anxious, caring and confused individuals. . . and isn't that all of us?! If it wasn't for hope. . .
